One-liner news for you ADD types. What?

Beyonce and Eva Longoria will star as lesbian lovers in a movie directed by Sofia Coppola; It'll be called "Baby's Got Back Mountain.”

Prince has just opened his new Las Vegas show at The Rio casino-hotel just off the Las Vegas Strip…Prince in Vegas? This makes him Purple Wayne Newton.

Joe Jagger, the father of Rolling Stones lead singer Mick Jagger, passed away over the weekend at the age of 93…and we thought Mick was the Jagger who was 93.

Now that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has resigned, maybe he’ll seek a new job…But what kind of job he could get with such a bristly, cranky personality -- all the openings on The View have been filled?

The Heart Attack Grill in Tempe is selling an 8,000-calorie burger called the Quadruple Bypass containing four slabs of beef weighing 2 pounds, three cheese layers, four slices of bacon, lettuce and tomato…No one has died from eating it, but three waitresses have thrown out their backs from lifting it.

Portland, Maine wouldn’t allow Guns n’ Roses to perform because the band refused to stay sober onstage, wanting to drink some Jager and beer, which is not allowed during a performance there…however Portland will probably be the first stop for Keith Urban once wife Nicole Kidman lets him out of the Betty Ford Clinic.