One Liner News!

Real headlines, messed up by us.

Stephen Hawking says humans must colonize other planets…though he didn’t specify which humans, so we’re guessing he’d send Michael Jackson, the people from those “Head On” commercials and Michael Richards first.

SeaWorld trainer hurt in whale attack…Dehli boy eaten by herd of pigs… when did we suddenly lose our coveted spot in the food chain?

Britney’s crotch shots take web by storm and the RIAA wants the Internet shut down…supposedly, these two events are unrelated.

California sea lions attack humans…said humans were wearing the “Borat” speedo at the beach – ‘nuf said.

Vilsack vows to bring “bold change” if elected president…would that be a fine new coin to add to the mint?

Win a Harley for $20!!!

The World Police & Fire Games are coming up in March of 2007. The site is Adelaide, Australia and to help raise funds for our local teams, the Glendale Firefighters Olympic committee is raffling off a 2007 Harley: an FXD Dyna-Superglide. Tickets are $20 each and available by calling 623-204-1249 or by attending the drawing which will be held December 9th at Aunt Chilada’s (7330 N. Dreamy Draw Dr). The event will be from 1p-3pm. For more info, e-mail: gffoc@hotmail.com .

All about Kenny Nolan

Heather here again blogging for Mary today...I told you I'd post the link to my old article on Kenny Nolan, so here it is. Enjoy! I talked to him about two and a half years ago, so not sure what he is working on today. Kenny is a great, super-nice guy!

Going shopping today? Or are you smarter than that?

Heather here...blogging on Mary's page since I'm filling in for her. I am fascinated with this big shopping day we have here today! I'm getting calls from you guys that you're shopping today...ONLINE! You know, you folks are actually making this shopping thing sound good the way you're describing it.

But isn't this America, where everything really good is worth standing in line for, fighting traffic for, and fighting over with other psycho-consumption-obsessed parents? What's your Black Friday shopping strategy?

Or do you forego it altogether and just partake in Buy Nothing Day? Leave a comment and tell me because I want to know!

Alice's Restaurant in its entirety!

Happy Thanksgiving! Here's an old classic the young folks just don't understand...enjoy! It is still relevant today, maybe just as relevant as it was back then...? Leave me a comment and share your thoughts!

Here are a couple links that will help you explain this one to the kids:

The movie
The lyrics
Arlo's website
Arlo Wiki
AR Videography
AR Wiki
Buy it

One liner news for the week:

Gas prices are going up…just in time for you to go over the river and through the woods to Grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving…

NBC News reports OJ Simpson is living the high life…Maybe someone paid him to kill Nicole? Or did he sell his football memorabilia on eBay?

President Bush not getting good reception in Indonesia…let’s see…biggest Islamic population of any country in the world…we’re not at a high school football game in Texas anymore!

Let’s get ready for Thanksgiving airport fun! What can we carry on? Liquids? Can my bladder be full?

Rudeness in America is an epidemic. Oh, shut up.

Feeling totally cluesless about tomorrow?

Maybe this random video from YouTube will help you figure out what to do with that turkey.

It's a diva fued!

Kelly Ripa is still freaked out that Clay Aiken put his hand over her mouth. Ok, yes, that would be rude if someone did that to you. It would make you uncomfortable, no? Rosie O'Donnel took it as a homophobic comment from Kelly. Here's Kelly's reaction:



Is Kelly right or wrong? Here's the clip of what happend on Regis & Kelly last Friday as Clay Aiken cohosted with Kelly.



So Rosie called Kelly out after this saying that what she said was homophobic, and here's the deep conversation between Rosie and Kelly. Clay has never actually come out of the proverbial closet, for the record.



So chime in with your thoughts. Because we both know you weren't planning on doing any real work today or else you wouldn't be here reading this right now!

Oh yeah, watch this too:

One-liner news for you ADD types. What?

Beyonce and Eva Longoria will star as lesbian lovers in a movie directed by Sofia Coppola; It'll be called "Baby's Got Back Mountain.”

Prince has just opened his new Las Vegas show at The Rio casino-hotel just off the Las Vegas Strip…Prince in Vegas? This makes him Purple Wayne Newton.

Joe Jagger, the father of Rolling Stones lead singer Mick Jagger, passed away over the weekend at the age of 93…and we thought Mick was the Jagger who was 93.

Now that Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has resigned, maybe he’ll seek a new job…But what kind of job he could get with such a bristly, cranky personality -- all the openings on The View have been filled?

The Heart Attack Grill in Tempe is selling an 8,000-calorie burger called the Quadruple Bypass containing four slabs of beef weighing 2 pounds, three cheese layers, four slices of bacon, lettuce and tomato…No one has died from eating it, but three waitresses have thrown out their backs from lifting it.

Portland, Maine wouldn’t allow Guns n’ Roses to perform because the band refused to stay sober onstage, wanting to drink some Jager and beer, which is not allowed during a performance there…however Portland will probably be the first stop for Keith Urban once wife Nicole Kidman lets him out of the Betty Ford Clinic.

Happy Veterans Day!

Whip out your veterans hats, American flags, poppies -- whatever! Tomorrow is veterans day and we want to say a big

THANK YOU!

to all Peakerhead veterans who have served our country. So thank YOU!

Donate a Toy & Take A Ride On A Fire Truck!

The city of Phoenix will trade a ride in a fire truck or police car for a new, unwrapped toy or clothing item (size newborn to 8 year old boy or girl). Donations go to at-risk children at numerous Head Start classes, several homeless shelters, the Phoenix Crisis Nursery, the Salvation Army and other non-profit organizations.

You’ve got two chances to hitch a ride:

Wednesday, November 22 at Ahwatukee Target, 4734 E. Ray Rd, 5-9pm.

Saturday, December 16 at North/Central Target, 2727 W. Agua Fria Fwy (101 & I-17), 5-9pm


BID ON A CHANCE TO TOUR THE CITY’S HOLIDAY LIGHTS IN A PHOENIX FIRE TRUCK -- Funds to Benefit the Phoenix Crisis Nursery.

The silent auction will be remain open until 11am on Friday, December 8th. Bids can be submitted confidentially via email to:

HolidayLights@phoenix.gov.

For more info:

Division Chief Chris Ketterer, Phoenix Fire Department: 602-201-5637

And they said it wouldn't last...well, "they" would be right!

In this figure, we study the Britneyroo with her freeloading Federline lizard onboard...

Some info from Kim at United Food Bank on their turkey drive.

Starting 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, they’ll open up their “drive-through” Turkey Drop Off and they’re also partnering with Trader Joe’s and Native New Yorker, so you also donate turkeys at any of those locations. Got some time on your hands? I’ll bet they could use volunteers too. Contact United Food Band at 480-926-4897.

Directions:
United Food Bank is located at 358 E. Javelina Avenue in Mesa. Between Baseline and the 60 off of Mesa Drive.

Before her Malawian-child-adopting days. Wayyyyy before...

I can't believe it's a pants commercial! I think Mr. Reilly and I will keep this in mind for when our little girl gets older...